I have to be completely honest, I have not been living my life the way that God would want me to, I have been depressed for the longest time, in a dark tunnel that seems to go on and on, just trying to get through the day, but I am not guaranteed tomorrow and if this were my last day on Earth would my family know how much I love and care for them? "As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers no more." Psalm 103:15
I simply get through the day, best I can, wake up, only doing the necessary things, constantly looking at the clock and waiting for night to come. Now, I ask you, what kind of life is that? Do my children deserve that kind of mother? Does my husband deserve that kind of wife, does my mom or dad or sisters deserve that? No! They deserve the very best of me, every single day! I have been so blessed to be able to stay at home with my babies and they are getting second rate care. I have taken advantage of this and not using this as an opportunity to pour the love of Christ into my children and to play with them and love on them the way they deserve.
In the last few days I have been examing myself and my life, and I want to live everyday to the fullest, I want all those around me to have the very best of me. Especially, my beautiful children and my wonderful husband. Yes, things with Georgia are not ideal, but she is here with me and she is beautiful and precious and loving and everything I could ever want in a daughter. This is not what I dreamed about when I found out that I was pregnant with her; we are not guaranteed a "well" child and I think that society has brain washed us into thinking that we will all have "well" children. Life is so much more than that and I find that Georgia is nothing short of a miracle, she makes me want to be a better person.
This morning Georgia was laying on the couch and I took the time to sit with her and rub her feet and look at her and appreciate her. It's in the little things, I know on my death bed I will not think, geez, I really missed out on watching that t.v. show or cleaning that kitchen a little more or getting to that load of laundry that is sitting the dryer waiting to be folded and put away, instead I will think back on those times when I could have loved on Georgia and Conerly but instead chose to do other things. A quote comes to mind, "Life is not about waiting on the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain." I think I am going to dance a little more and not worry about tomorrow. For now, the best thing I can do is love on my children, for tomorrow they will be grown and not in need of Mommy or looking at me with tears in their eyes desperate for me just to hold them.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His rightousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:33-34