Big Girl

   First things first, Georgia is doing fabulous, thank you for asking. :) She shook her head no to me yesterday and she imitated something I did the other day. She was trying to put her fingers in my mouth and I was shaking my head no and laughing at her, she started shaking her head as well. She has a beautiful laughter that can be heard throughout the house and fills my heart with such happiness and pure unadulterated joy! Words cannot properly express the feeling of being free, I feel free to dream for my daughter again, not to dread what the future held for us.I owe all the glory to God, my Savior and Deliverer. 
   Tomorrow starts the first day of what I believe to be the next chapter in our lives. Part of starting another chapter means you have found closure with the last chapter. I do honestly trust that we can put this behind us. No longer is Georgia held in the captivity of seizures, her tomb was rolled away and Jesus called her out.  Georgia will go for her first day of preschool. I'm nervous, scared, excited and anxious all rolled into one. I thought about enrolling Georgia in school before but because of the seizures I was too scared, of course anyone in my position would be. Tomorrow I will be brave and probably a basket case too. In my heart I know this is just a stepping stone to what will surely be a great thing for my Love Bug. 
   Please pray that Georgia will have a great day and that she will feel at ease, that she will not feel scared or nervous or any of those feelings I have. 

It's Love



   Been putting this off for a while, I have been reflecting a lot lately. It all boils down to love. Does God love me even while I was down here suffering, watching my baby seize day after day? Does God love me while I had to rock my sobbing child and had no way to console her? Does God still love me when I yell and scream and doubt His loving ways? And the answer? A resounding yes. While I cannot understand what He had in mind when He created my beautiful little girl, I am reminded that His ways are not my ways. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isiah 55:8-9 It's Love!

In the words of Francesca Battistelli:

Emily, I know you think it won't get any better
Life has gone and gotten so tough Emily,
you believe you will never ever
Never ever find that you're enough

Circumstances can change your mind
But time will help you see

It's love that hung the moon and stars for you above
And stays awake to start the morning
If you feel you've had enough
He's never given up

It's love Emily, you will see some stormy weather
Dark and cloudy days of rain
But Emily, there will be summer laughter
'Cause everybody knows the seasons change

Circumstances will turn out fine
And time will help you see

It's love that hung the moon and stars for you above
And stays awake to start the morning
If you feel you've had enough
He's never given up                     

It's love Can't you see
I know you believe me
Everything is whispering this well-known story

So listen in
It's humbling
All of this done for you

 Megawatt Smile

Brotherly/Sisterly Love

   Our Father had nothing but love in mind when He knitted Georgia in my womb. When I look back on baby pictures I can see that love reflected back to me. For a while there it was hard for me to look at Georgia's pictures, too painful, to think back, but now I can see what God had in mind. I love her and I love Him. It's Love!

Hold the Phone!

Sorry I have not posted in the last three days, Conerly had surgery on Thurs, so we have been busy with that. For the first time in a very long time I feel free and very hopeful for the future, I no longer dread the next day and I wake up feeling light. Like a breath of fresh air has been breathed into my soul. Georgia is doing so wonderfully, she is walking laps around the house, hardly wants to sit at all. Just long enough to regroup and she is on the move again. Love, love, love this!!! Last night at my parents she was sitting by the phone (a real phone) and was playing with the buttons, every so often we would hear the answering machine go off and then Sean walks over and she actually has the phone to her ear. I do not know if I am over analyzing this but I do not know if she wanted a better listen to the sounds or is she was pretending to be on the phone. I guess either way it's positive. She spends her days giggling and playing, we have been practicing playing with her dolls. She will kiss them and hug them but then throws her doll down. I guess it will take time. After all God did no make the world in a day. I registered Georgia for school, I know she needs this but it does not help my heart. So this Friday we will meet with her teacher and discuss a good schedule for her because she will not be attending full time, that is just too much for mama to bear. I'm excited though because Conerly has never had the one on one time with me that Georgia had.

Molly the Dolly

Aa many of you know, Georgia hated dolls, I mean really and truly. Now Georgia likes dolls even has a soft cabbage patch doll that she sleeps with. Today, while visiting with my sister I picked up Molly the dolly and told Georgia to give her a kiss, she smiled and then kissed the doll. So precious. Georgia scoots around if she is unable to pull herself into standing position so constantly her leggings were falling off her waist today (even though they are sized 18 months) and I saw her look at them and then take them the rest of the way off. She has never tried to undress herself before except for taking off he shoes and socks. Then with that being said she also tried to pull them up and fix them. What a smart girl and so determined. Love my Love Bug!!!

Laughing from the Backseat

I meant to post this earlier this weekend but completely forgot, Sunday on the way to the mall, Georgia had her favorite toy an MP3 player and it was playing music and she was giggling. The whole 25 minute ride. So precious. Today she wanted to play in her inside swing and she led me right over and almost pointed at it. She is using her whole hand but I will take it. She also let me put Charlie (the kitty)in her lap and she kissed him. So dang cute!!! One more thing, I brought out a mirror for us to play with. Getting her to recognize herself is a big goal for her, now I'm not sure yet whether she realizes she is looking at herself or not but she did kiss her reflection. She is doing so well. After all, if we look at from when the second shunt was placed, when her true recovery began, it has only been little over four weeks. Wow!!! Really puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

No Mommy!

Aside from Georgia walking everywhere and generally making great progress, tonight I asked her if she wanted her juice and showed her the cup and she shook her head no! Can you believe that?!!! I do believe that is the first time that we have had a back and forth communication. I give all the praise to God. He is opening doors like never before and so eagerly await what tomorrow brings.

Shopping With Mommy

Today Georgie went for a girl's day out with Mommy and Aunt Ashley. Fun! We went to the mall and bought cousin Lissy her birthday gift. Georgia did not get upset much until she was just over it. We then came home to a house full of cousins. Georgia walked quite a bit today only needing asssistance to get into standing position. She is eating all the time now and she is getting good at letting us know she is hungary. Late this afternoon we played outside- Georgia loves going outside and getting on the swingset. It was a long but wonderful day. Thank you God for another blessed beyond measure day.

Walking, Walking, Walking

Today was another great day, Georgia is walking all over the place now, hardly wants to sit, great for her, not so much for Mommy. At least I'm getting some exercise. We took Georgia to visit with her cousins tonight and she really enjoyed herself. She did not cry at all over all the commotion. This makes me so happy. She also leads people where she wants to go and right now she loves to be outside. Also, I increased her medicine that makes her hungry and she ate one whole slice of pizza and three cookies. Normally, I do not like her to have so much junk food but I'm glad she is eating, hoping to see her put on some weight. She really needs it in her legs.  So many good things happening, eager to see what this month holds. 

We Have Come So Far

   It is hard to believe that just two and a half months ago Georgia could not even hold her head up or sit up. She had to be assisted to do everything and now she is almost walking. When I look back it is hard to see why I was so upset, when things look so bright now. Why did I ever doubt that God would see us through. All along He was holding my hand, telling me to be patient. And I guess that is what everything boils down to, patience and my lack thereof.

   All Georgia wants to do is walk and explore. The light that had all but vanished from her eyes is back. Today, I witnessed her stretch out her right hand and grasp the baby gate with her fingers. Is there anything impossible for God? I think not. Georgia is a walking (soon to be talking) miracle. She has determination that I have never seen anyone demonstrate, she sees something and goes for it. I do not think anything will hold her back.

   This year has seen a lot of ups and a lot of downs but I believe we are to see more days like today and yesterday. I know that I do not deserve all that the Lord has seen fit to give me. To finally have a two-sided relationship with my daughter is nothing short of amazing. I am ready for a four year old little girl, ready for the make-up, the tea parties, the telling me no, the I wanna do it myself Mommy, and all that entails.

   Why do I ever doubt that I serve a BIG God who can do whatever He likes and when He sees fit, He will give me the desires of my heart. Not a moment too soon.

Many Beautiful Blessings

  
   It has been a while since I last posted, I promise to stay more on top of it. It has been crazy around here, it seems at the end of the day all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep. In order to keep a positive mindset and to note all the progress Georgia makes in the coming month, for the next thirty days I will find something positive about the day or something new that Georgia does.

   Last week we had a follow up appointment with Dr. Lee. To say that he was pleased would be an understatement, I left out of that office on cloud 9. First we discussed that Georgia has not had one seizure since May 10, then we discussed her meds (Lamictal) which he lowered to 25mg twice daily from 40mg twice daily. He said only 3 more months and she will be completely taken off her meds, can you believe that? Sometimes I cannot, we have been steadily giving her meds for 4 years....He is a little concerned about her weight (which accompanies her illness) so he decided to put her on an antihistamine which should make her ravenous (his words not mine). We started that and just as he predicted, she eats a lot! We also discussed the fact that she is more social and all around "with it". I told him that she gives kisses again and shortly after I told him, she leaned in and kissed my cheek. Nothing more beautiful than feeling and seeing the love you have for a child returned. At long last. Dr. Lee wanted her to give him a kiss, she didn't but it was really nice that he wanted to let her. One thing that was concerning me was put to rest, Georgia has started doing this head shaking thing, almost looks like she is shaking her head no, but she does it randomly. I was explaining it to them and they were like I do not know what that could mean but if Georgia had picked up some autistic behaviors not to worry because they would fade in time. Whew! Huge sigh of relief! He also told me not to get hasty with a diagnosis. To that I replied, you do not have to worry about that, I am in no hurry. Then after he told me that, Georgia shook her head like she was doing and all at once, they told me that is nothing to be concerned with.

   Last time I posted Georgia was crying A LOT! The day after I posted that I was going to change my attitude towards things and choose to be happy, she stopped crying. I mean completely. In fact, she hardly cries at all now unless she is frustrated. Many wonderful things have happened since then, she is walking very well. It is not necessarily pretty yet but everyday she is getting stronger and stronger. That is all I can ask for. She is started to walk independently. Also, she has started pulling herself into standing position. It is like she is a baby again and has to start from scratch. Yesterday it looked like she was ready to take off and run. She answers to her name most of the time and she in actively interacting with others. I look at the beautiful relationship between her and her Daddy. It is like they are on the same wavelength or something. He can make her laugh with just a silly look or a silly phrase. Sometimes I feel envious because he has that with her but I know in my heart we have a different but just as beautiful relationship. The other day she wanted to walk, I wanted her to show me where she wanted to go and she led me to her high chair and started laughing, I said do you want a snack? It was awesome! Her therapists are very pleased with all her progress and said she is changing daily. They have said she will not be the same child in 6 months.

   I owe everything to my Lord and Savior who has seen us through some of the darkest nights and days. He has always been with us, He has given us the strength when we could endure no more. He opened doors when we thought there was no hope. All I can say is thank you Lord. What a miracle I have witnessed, I know there are days ahead when I might feel discouraged but they are nothing compared to the anguish I felt when Georgia was seizing day in and day out without resolve.

"Keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart."

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.