Georgia Lily

Georgia Lily
My Love Bug

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

It is Well With my Soul

   Ok, first off, I would like to apologize for not posting in a few days but I have not felt that God had given me anything to write and I do not want to post just to post.  I want to inspire people with the word of God and if He is not given me anything than I cannot possibly write anything. Also, because it has been a few days He has given me many things to write about so I apologize in advance if it gets a bit lengthy.

I Am the Clay, He is the Potter
   This has been a resounding message this week. I am the clay and God is my potter. He knows my clay and He knows exactly what He is looking for. He is shaping and molding me into what He sees when He looks at me, the image of his daughter. "Yet Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You are our potter; we are the work of Your hands." Isaiah 64:8 Now you are saying, well what does this have to do with Georgia?, well everything of course! Because of her, my precious Love Bug, God is shaping me; He is making me patient, He has given me unconditional love, He has made me more compassionate towards others, and best of all, He has bestowed one of His angels into my care. Oh, how I wish I could turn back the clock and learned this two years ago. God is so good!

   Not many people outside of my husband and some family members know about the anger that has consumed me for the last few years. But our God knows everything and things you think are hidden will come into the light and in the most unsuspecting ways. "Therefore, don't be afraid of them, since there is nothing covered that won't be uncovered and nothing hidden that won't be made known." Matthew 10:26  I would look around at all these people who have these children that are "well" and do not appreciate all their children are doing or I would be envious, thinking of all that my child lacked in the social and cognitive areas. Well, that is not how God wants me to be, He wants me to be joyous at all costs, He wants to work through me but I have to lose all the anger. So, with that being said, I gave it all away, I left it behind me. No matter what happens from now on, I will not let anger get the best of me. Now, I'm not saying that I won't ever be upset over Georgia having seizures but I'm not going to be angry at God anymore. He deserves a ready and willing spirit.

Not Last but First
"Indeed there will be those who will be last who will be first, and first will be last." Luke 13:30 Ok, last night this came to me in a dream. This verse right here. I did not understand it and some of you may disagree but this is what God gave to me as interpretation, my precious baby, God bless her, is behind her peers in a significant way. But in a great way, she is a perfect little lamb, she does not know how to be mean, she does not deliberately disobey to disobey, she does not throw tantrums to get her way. I know she understands things, I probably do not give her enough credit, but in large she does not understand evil or how to be malicious. These precious babies and people like her are going to walk straight through Heaven's gates right into the arms of Jesus, they know no evil just like Jesus.

In Mysterious Ways
   So God has been speaking to me through a Christian fiction novel by Janice Thompson. He has been filling me with beautiful words through this book, so I know He is still here with me.
  • "You can trust God with the changes you go through"
  • "Where there is life, there is hope."
  •  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, make your requests known." (Phillipians 4:6)
  • "Trust God for a new season."
  • "You do not have to worry. Do the things you need to do and leave the rest to me."
  • "In the meantime, just trust him. He's got things under control, even the things we can't see."
  •  "But you never know the what new roads He has for you unless you open yourself up to the possiblity."
A Great Day!
   I have to give all the praise to God for today. Georgia missed her meds today, not on purpose, but for whatever reason she did not get her medicine. Well, just that should have set the tone for today, making her seize more than normal, fussy, uncooperative. Well, she did seize more today, however, she had a great day! She smiled through the seizures, she did not fuss, and was so playful. Daddy even made her giggle when she saw him tonight! Praise God! That alone is enough to revive my spirits for the rest of the week. No matter what comes tomorrow I will thank God for today.

It is well with my soul and may it be with yours as well.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Fasting, Day 1

   "If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14
   Thursday night I went to church to find out more about fasting and what was required of me because I have never done it. Well, the Pastor told me that fasting from food would probably not be wise because I have the two babies and I need my energy. He told me that I should give up something that I really like. Well, I really like t.v. not just for the shows but for the noise itself. I continually have the t.v on throughout the day for the babies and for myself. I just really like the noise. Today, that t.v. has not come on at all, and it has been SILENT! Almost, too silent. I even unplugged it so that I would not forget about my fast and turn it on. The Pastor told me that I was not to break from the fast because it could be really bad, in fact it's better not to make a promise than to make a promise and stray from it.

   I replaced the noise of the t.v for the uplifting songs from various Christian artists. I can tell you I feel more joy today than I have in a while. So much junk comes from that box, it is scary! I love to watch three shows during the day, 700 Club, The Chew, and Dr. Phil and I did miss those, I would be lying if I said that I didn't but I found that I had more time to talk to my babies, I was able to read a book during nap time and was just filled with peace and solitude.

   I would also like that thank those who are joining me on this fast. Thank you for believing with me and my family. I know God is going to bring about a great miracle not only with Georgia but with the whole family. This is exactly where He wants us to be.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

In the Little Things

   I have to be completely honest, I have not been living my life the way that God would want me to, I have been depressed for the longest time, in a dark tunnel that seems to go on and on, just trying to get through the day, but I am not guaranteed tomorrow and if this were my last day on Earth would my family know how much I love and care for them? "As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers no more." Psalm 103:15

   I simply get through the day, best I can, wake up, only doing the necessary things, constantly looking at the clock and waiting for night to come. Now, I ask you, what kind of life is that? Do my children deserve that kind of mother? Does my husband deserve that kind of wife, does my mom or dad or sisters deserve that? No! They deserve the very best of me, every single day! I have been so blessed to be able to stay at home with my babies and they are getting second rate care. I have taken advantage of this and not using this as an opportunity to pour the love of Christ into my children and to play with them and love on them the way they deserve.

   In the last few days I have been examing myself and my life, and I want to live everyday to the fullest, I want all those around me to have the very best of me. Especially, my beautiful children and my wonderful husband. Yes, things with Georgia are not ideal, but she is here with me and she is beautiful and precious and loving and everything I could ever want in a daughter. This is not what I dreamed about when I found out that I was pregnant with her; we are not guaranteed a "well" child and I think that society has brain washed us into thinking that we will all have "well" children. Life is so much more than that and I find that Georgia is nothing short of a miracle, she makes me want to be a better person.

   This morning Georgia was laying on the couch and I took the time to sit with her and rub her feet and look at her and appreciate her. It's in the little things, I know on my death bed I will not think, geez, I really missed out on watching that t.v. show or cleaning that kitchen a little more or getting to that load of laundry that is sitting the dryer waiting to be folded and put away, instead I will think back on those times when I could have loved on Georgia and Conerly but instead chose to do other things. A quote comes to mind, "Life is not about waiting on the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain." I think I am going to dance a little more and not worry about tomorrow. For now, the best thing I can do is love on my children, for tomorrow they will be grown and not in need of Mommy or looking at me with tears in their eyes desperate for me just to hold them.

   "But seek first the kingdom of God and His rightousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:33-34

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Long Awaited Answer

   ""Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it"" And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them." Mark 10:14-16.

   For many months now I have felt so distant from the Lord and I could not understand why I could not hear from Him or feel His presence, at times I have felt so lonely, even in the presence of others. Well, about a week ago, I felt the Lord wanting me to read the book of Mark and to write down all the miracles that Jesus preformed. I urge you if you have not read much of the Bible to start with the 4 gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  It is a relatively easy read and much of it applies to our life today. Oh My Goodness! There is it, the answer that I have been praying for!
   "Then one of the crowd answered and said, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who has a mute spirit. And wherever it seizes him, it throws him down; he foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I spoke to Your disciples, that they should cast it out, but they could not." He answered him and said, "O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him to me." Then they brought him to Him. And when he saw Him, immediately the spirit convulsed him, and he fell on the ground and wallowed, foaming at the mouth. So He asked his father, "How long has this been happening to him?" And he said, "From childhood. And often he has thrown him to the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes." Immediately, the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!" When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!" Then the spirit cired out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him. And he became as one dead, so that many said, "He is dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. And when He had come into the house, His disciples asked Him privately, "Why could we not cast it out?" So He said to them, "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting."" Mark 9:17-29

   I ran out of the room, startled my husband and read to him those verses. We have been praying for guidance all this time and it is right there in front of us. I am not sure if I have read that before and not really understood or if I was unable to really see it before this time. God had to bring me to this place in my faith to be able to understand this. I will continue to believe Georgia will be healed until there is nothing in me left, I cannot give up on my precious child.

   "But Jesus looked at them and said,"With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible." Mark 10:27

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

A beautiful song by Addison Road.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


"...Not my will, but Yours, be done." Luke 22:42

   Conviction like never before. My will is that my daughter be healed here on Earth and forever free of seizures. However, that might not be the will of my Father. Abraham was called to sacrifice his son, his only son, Isaac. God was testing Abraham, Abraham had to put all his trust in God. Just before Abraham was to sacrifice his son an angel of the Lord came, "Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have withheld your son, your only son, from Me." Genesis 22:12

  I know this is a delicate subject for some and you might say to yourself, this woman is out of her mind, but I must assure you that I mean no harm and before each and every posting I pray that God would show me what to write. For those of you who do not know me, I am calm, collected and rather reserved, but last night I was on the ground throwing the tantrum of my life! Screaming, hitting the floor, crying.

  I have to accept not my will but my Father's. I have to accept that, that might mean taking my baby home to be with Jesus where there is no pain, no crying, no suffering, complete healing. I cannot convey the feelings I have but I assure you I am in so much pain right now, I do not want my baby to leave me, I want her to be with me until we go to Heaven together. But I do not want to be selfish, I want her to be healed more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. And if that means that she has to leave me to be in the arms of Jesus then I have accept that.

  I can assure you, I did not come to this easily, like I said a tantrum. Can you imagine a three year old throwing a fit? Well, imagine a 25 year old and multiply that times 10. I have to surrender it all to Him. Leave it at the alter. I have to leave it to Him. He is in control. Not matter what happens, I will praise Him. He knows best.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Hold My Heart

How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

   Tenth Avenue North sings this song and it sums up where I am today. Everyday is a new day that I am on this journey with Georgia. I'm feeling down, Georgia started her day off in normal fashion, squealing and running around her room, music to my ears as I lay in my bed listening to her above me. I speak a silent prayer that Georgia will have a good day today. Just as I get Georgia's breakfast ready, a seizure is about to happen. I hold her and pray and cry. I want her not to have another seizure, everyday I pray that yesterday was the last day that she has seizures, but today that is not the case. Her eye is split open and bleeding, it is almost swollen shut, poor baby. I want so desperately to put her pain upon myself, just as Jesus took the pain for us, I want to do the same for my precious baby.

   Jesus came to this Earth to save us, to give us this gift of eternal life. He experienced everything that we humans experience. He knows how I hurt for my baby, He knows the desires of my heart to see her completely healed one day, He sees the struggles that we go through each and everyday. He sees her and He holds her close to His heart.

   I have to believe there is a purpose for this pain, God holds the blue print and even though I can not see through this dark tunnel now, God sees and He knows. It says if have the faith of a mustard seed, can you imagine? a mustard seed, for those of you who have not ever seen a mustard seed, it it very, very small, about the size of a pencil point, the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains. "So Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."" Matthew 17:20

  I believe we are in this valley now so we can fully appreciate the view from the top of the mountain one day. I can believe that I will see my child healed one day. I believe this mountain will move or He will show us how to make it to the top. I know that God has a bigger purpose for all of this, Georgia will not spend the rest of her days suffering from these crippling seizures.

Keep Believing!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A Little Help, Please

     So I must tell you about the amazing power of the Holy Spirit. Many times during this trial with Georgia, I have thought why me? Why my little girl? Why? Many times, people come to me and tell me that God only gives these children to special people, well sometimes I do not want to be special, I just want to be me, with a child that has no illness. I want to play with Georgia and I want to have silly conversations with her from the back seat. I want to have tea parties and play dress up and all the things that little girls want to do with their Mommies. Even though my child has never told me she has loved me with words, I can see it written all over her face when she holds her hands up for me to hold her and when we cuddle close at bedtime and when she searches me out when she hurts herself. What a amazing and merciful God we have. He has shown me that even though my child does not match up with the worldly standards of "normal" I do have a perfect baby in God's eyes. The love in my heart that I have for my child has grown ten-fold since the beginning of her illness. I have more compassion than I could have ever gained if I was not thrown into this situation. I can truly appreciate what it means to have a Mother's love and a Mother's heart.

    Well, this morning, at church we were leaving and I asked God to please speak to me during the whole service and I was going out the door when Mrs.Velma Childrers (the Evanglist) who does not know me from Eve looked straight at Georgia and then to me and said this, "She is an angel" "God only gives these special children to special parents who can love them" "Please love and take care of this baby." "Please love her". Of course, this made me cry and made me realize how truly blessed that I am to be in the presence of an angel. So why me? Why not me? If God thinks that I can handle this then who am I to question the same God that can calm the sea and wind with just His words. ""But He said to them, why are you fearful, O you of little faith?" Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm." Matthew 8:26

Saturday, January 21, 2012


    There are some amazing people out there who really care for my daughter and want to see her improve, they believe like I do that Georgia will overcome this. We have had therapists in the past who have done their job but just seen it as another job. We even had a speech therapist in Georgia who outright told me that my child would probably never speak to me and that my son would exeed his sister's development. Well, that is just not acceptable to me, I will not accept that I will never hear mommy or I love you or night night or Jesus loves me. Will Not!

   About a year ago, while feeling really down I was woken up from sleep around midnight and felt like God wanted me to read from the book of Matthew, in that book he showed me 11 blessings. A couple of verses really stood out to me, "Then His fame went throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all sick people who were afflicted with various diseases and torments, and those who were demon-possessed, epileptics, and paralytics; and HE HEALED THEM." Matthew 4:24 "Ask, and it will given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened." Matthew 7:7 And the most important one of all: "As they went out, behold, they brought to Him a man, mute and demon-possessed. And when the demon was cast out, the mute spoke." Matthew 9:32-33. So please, do not tell me my child will not talk, if Jesus could make a mute speak once then He can do it again.

   I have two of the most amazing therapists, Mrs. Barbara and Mrs. Kaitlyn. They believe in Georgia and most importantly they believe in God. From a teacher stand point, I can tell you that whatever you expect out of a child, they will hit that expectation everytime. So if you expect very little, then you are going to get very little but if you demand excellence then you are going to achieve excellence. I have seen more improvement out of Georgia Lily in the last five months then a whole year of therapy in Georgia. Please do not misunderstand me, the therapists we had in Georgia were good but not like we have here in Florida. I prayed for these women before I even knew for sure that we would be moving back to Florida. God opened the door and allowed these angels to come into my life.

  Thank you ladies! For all that you do!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Where We Are Now

          This blog is meant to inspire not to discourage others who find themselves in this situation or something very similar but I have to be honest, Georgia is on two different meds right now and still having what the doctors call break through seizures. Which simply put, the meds are not doing their job the way the doctors would like. So everyday Georgia has cluster seizures and in that cluster she may have upwards to 10-15 seizures or as few as 1, we can never tell. Her seizures have evolved from when she was a baby to now, she used to take long naps, very long, 2-3 hrs at a time, now for the most part she can bounce back within a few minutes. She is severly delayed, she is around the 18month range for most things, though she does not play with her peers and does not play with her toys appropriately.

      As a family this has been hard on us and there are days we just do not think we can endure one more day. Georgia went from developing appropriately to suddenly having lots of seizures and platueing in her development. We struggle just like anyone else with our faith, we want our child to be seizure free and want to be able to just stand on the sidelines and not hover around her but for now, that is not the case. Georgia for the most part is a happy child, through all her difficulties she still smiles and laughs and gets into trouble.

    I know it sounds cliche but we get our strength from the Lord. He is the only thing sustaining us. Over two years ago, He spoke to my heart and told me, He was going to show me how big He is. Well, the doctors have told us bluntly, there is nothing that can be done except try and get her seizures under control. So that means, nothing short of a miracle is going to bring our seizure-free baby back to us. For the most part, I have led an easy life, been blessed with good health, a good husband, family and friends, was able to get a job when I needed one, blessed to get my bachelors degree, so I had every reason to give the glory to God and never had to doubt whether He loved me or not.

   This with my baby has brought me to my knees, more times than not. It is said that you never have faith until it is all you are standing on, well Lord here I am...I know in my heart that God is testing my faith. "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4



Georgia's Story

         My husband and I got pregnant before he deployed to Iraq in 2008. Pregnancy was a breeze, no complications at all, I was induced while he was on R and R in December. Our daughter came into the world beautiful, happy and hardly ever cried. She was developing normally, advanced actually, six words, crawling, standing up, rolling over, sitting up, everything.
      In June of 2009 Georgia started having these episodes that would make her head drop and she would do it over and over throughout the day. Afterwards she would either throw up or take a very long nap at times both. Being concerned we took her to the doctor. We had an MRI done as well as an EEG. MRI came back normal or so we thought, we later found out that because she was not sedated there was a lot artifact, the MRI was not really conclusive, the whole time we thought everything was normal. Anyway, the EEG came back and showed seizure activity, we were devestated. Then we started a roller coaster of meds. To date she has been on 5 meds. She has had two times where the seizures have completely stopped for a period of about 3 months or so. But they always return and everytime they do it is a different sort of thing, started out as head drops then complete loss of muscle tone, and now they are rigid where she holds her breath, her arms and legs are stiff and her eyes deviate to the left. And yet other times it looks like a small twich. I have taken her to the ER more times than I can count. Not because of the seizures but because of the injuries, biting through lip, ect. I consider myself blessed because for the most part now we can tell when a seizure is going to hit and can therefore hold her and make sure no injuries occur. In Aug of 2010 we had another MRI done and found out about the cortical dysplasia.
    The latest doctor we took her to in so many words told us "it is what it is" , she has problems now and ten years from now she will have problems. Another stab to the heart. My husband and I prayed before meeting him that we would hear what He wanted us to hear. For the last year I have been conflicted by when the seizures stop, will it be because of the meds or because the Lord has taken this ailment from her, I now have my answer, no doctor is ever going to be able to fully help her, the Lord is the one that is going to do it. I have a strong belief that that Lord is going to help her and He made me a promise over two years ago that He was going to show me how big He is.
   We have her in speech and occupational therapy. Her gross motor skills for the most part are where they should be and she has some fine motor skills, feeding herself with her hands and things like that. However, she shows no interest in other children and prefers to play by herself.
   Again, I consider myself blessed because she easily adapts to her surroundings and is very tolerant. She will come when called for the most part and will follow my husband and I around the house and she also squeals and laughs. She will hold up her arms to be held and when she hears key words, (eat, snack, juice, bye bye, shoes, bath, get hair done, ect) she will come. She loves to play outside and loves to horse play also playing in the bath or swimming. She hates dolls and playing with blocks :) I mean with a passion :)  But I know that I also appreciate the things that my daughter does do. She will now look me in the eye, take things off the counter as well as put things up there, is now starting to interact with her environment more. She does more now than she did six months ago and I know in another six months she will do even more.