Hold My Heart

How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?


   Tenth Avenue North sings this song and it sums up where I am today. Everyday is a new day that I am on this journey with Georgia. I'm feeling down, Georgia started her day off in normal fashion, squealing and running around her room, music to my ears as I lay in my bed listening to her above me. I speak a silent prayer that Georgia will have a good day today. Just as I get Georgia's breakfast ready, a seizure is about to happen. I hold her and pray and cry. I want her not to have another seizure, everyday I pray that yesterday was the last day that she has seizures, but today that is not the case. Her eye is split open and bleeding, it is almost swollen shut, poor baby. I want so desperately to put her pain upon myself, just as Jesus took the pain for us, I want to do the same for my precious baby.

   Jesus came to this Earth to save us, to give us this gift of eternal life. He experienced everything that we humans experience. He knows how I hurt for my baby, He knows the desires of my heart to see her completely healed one day, He sees the struggles that we go through each and everyday. He sees her and He holds her close to His heart.

   I have to believe there is a purpose for this pain, God holds the blue print and even though I can not see through this dark tunnel now, God sees and He knows. It says if have the faith of a mustard seed, can you imagine? a mustard seed, for those of you who have not ever seen a mustard seed, it it very, very small, about the size of a pencil point, the faith of a mustard seed we can move mountains. "So Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."" Matthew 17:20

  I believe we are in this valley now so we can fully appreciate the view from the top of the mountain one day. I can believe that I will see my child healed one day. I believe this mountain will move or He will show us how to make it to the top. I know that God has a bigger purpose for all of this, Georgia will not spend the rest of her days suffering from these crippling seizures.

Keep Believing!