Georgia Lily

Georgia Lily
My Love Bug

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Day 3

   This morning started out kind of rough for Mommy, as I was putting on my make-up and fixing my hair all alone with no one pulling on my leg or crying at my feet or holding their hands up for me to pick them up, it hit me how much I need my babies. Poor Georgia is hooked up to all of these wires and only able to follow me to a certain point before being pulled back to the wall. It makes me sad when I get my reports from Laura about all the cute things that Conerly is doing or that today he was crying a lot, I think he really misses me, but then I think does he realize that I am not there, has he forgotten me? I know that I am in the right place but in my heart I feel very sad and down. I want my family to all be together, laughing at the kitchen counter or splashing in the bathtub. I want to scold Conerly for going up the stairs by himself and then getting stuck on the way back down, I want Georgia to be getting up on the T.V stand for the 100th time that day and told to stay off of that. I really miss those things today.

   I am glad today is over, we are on the downward slope of this hospital stay, only one and a half more days then beach time! Georgia has been such a trooper, she has all the wires attached to her and this IV in her hand, yet she is still playful and happy. She is my hero, I do not think that I could have gone through all that she has been through and still have a smile on my face. I love her so much and I am so glad that I am her mom. I know that there are times when I wanted to run away and start a new life but running away from the problems does not solve them, I have learned on this journey that I have to accept things are this way and I better get with the program and face them head on. Besides, I know that no one could ever care for Georgia the way that I do and I would worry endlessly.

  Today, the plans changed, surprise, surprise...Georgia had an off day. She did not get the intra-ictal scan which made for a very long day. We also did not get to see the doctor today because he got called into the OR. His nurses did come by though and told us that if Dr. Lee gets enough seizure activity we might be able to take the EEG off early. Sounds good to me but not holding my breath, I have heard that before from other doctors, we shall see. The day went surprising well, we made a card together and we watched movies and listened to music and rested. Made me feel a little better because two days in a row she was sedated, I am no medicine person, but I imagine that being sedated so much is not good for her little body. At dinner time everyone left us to go eat and Georgia and I had some Mommy-daughter time, I gave her a mini-bath and I let her splash in the water, then I gave her a massage and lotioned her up. Then she fell asleep in my arms. I am so thankful for our time together.

   We had quite a few visitors today, Sean's mom, grandma, grandpa, Sean's Aunt Robin and Uncle Bill and Lauren, a girl that I went to school with. Grateful that everyone came to visit our Bug and lend some moral support.

   One a different note, one of the last nights before we were admitted to the hospital I read the entire book of Esther. A easy read and it showed me that God is in everything, nothing is a suprise to Him, He makes a way for things to come to pass and He allows us to go through things that may be unpleasant and painful but all things have a purpose. I would encourage you to read this book if you have not, it is really easy to read and easy to understand. I think that I am starting to realize the purpose of Georgia's illness, I am her mother and I have had to walk this path so that I may help others. I'm sure if I had met Dr. Lee to start with, I would not have realized the full potential of God's faithfulness and goodness. I was not ready for surgery, I was in denial for a long time and I pitied myself. For this, I will always be sorry. I wish that I could have been a stronger person at the beginning of Georgia's illness. But, everything happens this way it does for a reason and as I have said before, I am a better person and a better mom to my children than I ever could have been had this not happened. God has been holding me through this and He will continue to hold me, I need Him so desperately and not just to heal my daughter but also to heal me and mold me into His daughter. I do not want to hurt Him or disappoint Him, He is my Father and just like my earthly Father, I want Him to be proud of me. I would encourage you if you do not have a relationship with Jesus, to start talking to Him, seeking Him out, to lean on Him in times of trouble and times of happiness, He loves you so much and He wants to share His goodness with you. I think of all those nights that I cried out to Him and I could not hear from Him but I know that He was crying right along with me and He was that shoulder that I was crying on.

Finally, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH...Pray Until Something Happens. It took a tantrum and screaming out to God before finally giving her to Him fully and trusting Him with her life before He started moving. He is very jealous of us and He wants us all to himself, I was holding on to Georgia with all my might but God wants to hold her for me. He gave her to me to raise but she is His child.  "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Psalm 127:3 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13 Georgia is perfect, God does not makes mistakes. He knew she would have seizures but He knew that Sean and I could take care of her and that we would love her no matter what. I needed her more than she needed me and I love her to the ends of the earth and back.

   Here are some pictures from our day, hard to get a good picture of Georgia but they are what they are.
 Georgia, sporting her new hairbow. A girl has got to do what a girl has got to do
 She loves her Daddy so much!
 Being playful, see that mischevious grin? Gets her out of trouble every time.
 All tangled up
 Enough Mommy!
 Like the priss she is...
 Being silly in her crib...Unfortunately, we can not let her stay in a regular bed for obvious reasons..
 We can see her EEG right in our room, you can also see the camera view, located in the upper right corner
 Sleeping Beauty
 Marking the seizure
Sean's family 
 My mom and Sean's grandma

Side note: Georgia's seizure come from the left side of her brain, if you look the EEG above, it is broken into four sections, left, right, left, right. The right side is the normal side and the waves look the way the way they are supposed to look. The left side is the "problem child"as you can see from above, it causes sharp spikes on the EEG. According to the nurses it is looking more like we are going to have to disconnect the left from the right. This is the more drastic surgery but if it will make her stop seizing than we are going to do it. Please keep praying.

1 comment:

  1. God's grace is truly sustaining you ~ our family and church family (Grace Life Church of Lake City) are lifting you all up in prayer.
    Bettina Howell