Calm in the Chaos

   So it's been a while...A few things have happened since my last post. First of all, Georgia and Conerly fought with one another, sitting face to face fighting for the same toy. Now I do not condone fighting but this is a huge thing for Georgia, because she hardly notices him at all, so for her to sit down in front of him and grab at a toy from his hand is HUGE! Second, Georgia was eating lunch one day and she held a french fry in one hand and a chicken nugget in the other, going back and forth between the two hands, which means she is starting to divide her attention between two objects at the same time. Usually, she throws whatever is in her hand to get another object, again this is HUGE! Thirdly, last night my husband was showing her how to play the conga drums that we got her for her birthday and she was playing it, she was using both hands and playing the drums, you guessed it, HUGE! And lastly, this morning she allowed her brother to kiss her. She was laying on the floor and he came over and came her a kiss on the forehead and she let him, HUGE! Praise be to God. It's in the little things and I am over the moon with all that she is doing.

   My husband is in the military and was trained as a medic and was telling me about this training where he put into a simulated combat environment, people yelling, pitch black room, pure chaos and all you had was the background training and a pen light to give help to the patient. Listen twice, that is what he told me. Listen twice, God is gentle in His ways whereas Satan is chaotic, yelling, at times you feel you cannot drown at the sound of Satan and doubt, but God is there, coaching you through the chaos, giving you cues, holding your hand, calming you. I am anxious by nature and this is something that I really struggle with to just be still and wait, to listen twice.

   Even though things look bleak I know I need to hold fast because if I allow Satan to break me down and fill me with doubt then I have not only let my Love Bug down but also myself and most importantly God. So, even though I go through this cycle of up and down, in my heart I'm holding on to God with everything in me and believing that something great will come of this and one way or another, Georgia will be healed. I am like that little child who is holding on to her Daddy's pant leg and will not let go until he answers me or picks me up and holds me. And, just the other night, I was in the presence of my Father, I was dreaming that Jesus was holding me and I could not see Him but I knew it was Him and He was not holding my earthly body but my soul and just as He was going to put me down, I begged Him not to put me down and He held me for just a while longer. So I know God is here and He is holding me, even when I cannot hold myself.

   For the longest time, I have struggled with, did I do this to my child, did I drink too much tea, did I not eat enough or when I asked to be induced did I do this to my child, give her these seizures? The answer is no, I did not do this to her, I could not have prevented this from happening, God allowed this but He also did not give this to her because He only gives good things. I know this for a fact because I have been reading in the book of John and it says, "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." John 9:1-3

   I would like to say a special thanks to my sister, Laura, who is always encouraging me and I know that she loves my daughter Georgia as she was her own daughter. Laura is not an open book and is rather reserved with her emotions but I have seen her cry so much over my daughter and I know it hurts her as much as it hurts me, she so desperately wants Georgia to be healed. A couple of weeks ago during revival the Evanglist was talking about people who are right there on the boat with you, right or wrong, good or bad, they are rght there with you and that is my sister, she is right here with me on this boat and I am so grateful for that. I would also like the thank the rest of my family who in their own ways are encouraging and believing in God to deliver us. I do not know where I would be without you.

4 Days Late
   If you are unfamilair with the story of Lazarus, it is about a friend of Jesus who got sick and died, Lazarus' sisters Mary and Martha called for Jesus to come and heal their brother but Jesus did not come in time and Lazarus died, oh how the sisters were sad and filled with grief. Jesus came and brought their brother back even after he was buried. Even when He is four days late, He is still on time. Many times, God will wait until the very last second to deliver you but He will deliver you and I am steadfastly believing in this.

Martha ran to Him and then she cried
'Lord if You had been here- You could have healed him. He'd still be alive.
But You're four days late; and all hope is gone.
Lord we don't understand why You've waited so long.'
But His way is God's way.
It's not yours or mine
But isn't it great when He's four days late- He's still on time!

Believe with me today, God is good! All things will come to an end and pass away but God will remain. With every seizure that presents itself we are one fewer to the end. Praise God!


                    "Hold"

Tell me that it's gonna be okay
Tell me that You'll help me find my way
Tell me You can see the light of dawn is breaking
Tell me that it's gonna be alright
Tell me that You'll help me fight this fight
Tell me that You won't leave me alone in this

'Cause I need, I need a hand to hold
To hold me from the edge
The edge I'm sliding over slow
'Cause I need, I need Your hand to hold
To hold me from the edge
The edge I'm sliding past
Hold on to me

Tell me I can make it through this day
I don't even have the words to pray
You have been the only One who never left me
Help me find the way through all my fears
Help me see the light through all my tears
Help me see that I am not alone in this