Georgia had a great day today, or I should say better today than the last few days. She had only a few seizures and not the huge amount that she was having the last few days. She smiled and played and giggled. I love my baby to the ends of the Earth and I tell her that often. I always want her to know that no matter what happens Mommy loves her and will always take care of her. I keep praying for a miracle and I know that it is coming but in the mean time, the day to day pressures seem unsurmountable at times.
I am not sure if many people know this but having a child that has special needs and a serious medical condition can not only drain a person emotionally and finacially but also the parent's marriage is strained. It's not the normal day to day challenges that we face, we face decisions that will forever affect our child. Oh how I wish our biggest struggle was picking out the bedtime story or what we willl have for a snack, but we have to make the decision to give her a medicine that may or may not even be helping her and have to worry about the residual side-effects of all that we are pumping into her body. It can definately be straining to a couple and trying to find a way to cope with the situation that we find ourselves in. It's hard.
When I speak to people about Georgia and tell how I do not understand why God allows this to keep happening, they often refer me back to Job. Yes, that man struggled, more than any person should have to, but he also questioned God. He did not understand why this was happening to him. He was not praising God for this trial, he was confused. "Therefore, I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul." Job 7:11 Now, I'm not Job and I have not gone through all that Job endured and I pray that that will never be that case, but I am lost and confused especially when I know that God is the great healer and He could take this from Georgia in an instant.
I recently read a book called, Waiting on God by Cherie Hill, and it talks about how we have to wait on God. Well, in my mind, I feel I have been patiently waiting for 2.5 years. This is about how long Georgia has had seizures, it seems like someone else's life when I think about Georgia pre-seizures. But my point is, I have to continue to wait, God will release Georgia from this bond when He has me right where He wants me. The book talks about yielding and if I yield right before the light breaks I will miss out on the blessing. The darkest hour precedes the breaking of the dawn. I felt I was there when we first discovered the seizures but I have found that things only get worse before they get better and God is preparing my road. He is preparing me to be something greater than the way He found me. That small voice inside of me continually tells me to patiently wait. So, I will do just that.
Be Still and Wait...